Of Gypsies and Cowboys

The trailer is quiet and dim with just one little lamp shining. The air is warm and moist and shadowed. Jem's sleep-sheep is cooing in the background and J is already tucked in the loft (hahaha...the loft!). My eyes are thick with sleep but it has been days since I've had a spare moment to catch up on my 'screen life' I live through blogs and emails and all those handy and awful tools.

We have two full days left (3 sleeps) before we head up the mountain to our new life. New life part 2, or 10 or...something. I am finding a growing sense of nervousness. Is all going to work out? Can we pull this off? Will we grow stronger and better through our mistakes (I'm not even asking IF we'll make mistakes, that one's a given!). Hm. It's through days like these that I'm forced to face my sweet phrases such as, "It's the journey..." "Life is a process..." "Things take time...", etc., and to recognize that I'd rather just be at the comfy safe destination sharing legends of valour and character and confidently telling people that everything always works out just so nicely. Hmm ;)
Y'know what? There's always going to be something. (watch out-- tangent!). If it's not a job change it'll be a pregnancy or a conflict or a house or a chang in health or an election or a new dog or.... Stuff happens; change and conflict and question(s)(ing) is simply necessary. Personally, I am most tempted to flip out and dissapear into a hole of anxiety, deep breaths, blame-games, and emotionally charged sessions of brooding and discussing. I am learning however, that there are other options. I can breathe, and just breathe. I can stop and smile and see what is real. I can walk away, or walk towards, or just be still. I can do an awful lot. I often don't. Correction! I often DO an awful lot, though it's more 'lots of awful'.
Anyways. Point? I'm a strong person. So are you. Now and again we can choose how we respond and how we see our situations and our world, and that is neat.
(end of tangent)

I fear I am too sleepy to pull together any thoughts worth recording. I'm going to go wash up and snuggle in and pray for rest.