Of Gypsies and Cowboys

While some who are reading this are familiar with the past few months in my life, several may be wondering what's going on and why this season is so challenging and special and what finally nudged us into seeking a life less loaded. While I'd love to take a few hours and sit down and really share it with you, I'm realistic enough to recognize that my baby will likely only sleep another 20 minutes and my schedule (and personal strength!) can't really handle a pile of coffee-dates and phone calls right now :)

So here we go, a timeline of sorts:

> I have always held a deep love for and wonder of the created order (the earth, creatures, growing things, dirt, air, etc). I LOVE being outside and soaking in fresh air and sunshine. I initially started my academic journey within Agriculture and always assumed I'd end up with some kind of earth/animal science involvement. (Instead I ended with a BA in Education, a BA in Intercultural Studies, and a Masters in Education. Wierd. Hm.)
> I am going on 5 years of being married to a fascinating and frustrating man who challenges me to wed thought and action. I'll refer to him as J.
> I have a gorgeous 7 month old son. I'll refer to him as Jem.
> We hold a collection of degrees, a fantastic vehicle, and many material things. Our families are unique, our friends are true, our marriage is hilarious. We believe in One God, the Christ, and are in constant motion as we seek and think and revise just how this belief is to be expressed, lived, and embraced.
> For the past year or two, my husband and I have been chewing on the question of simplicity, including:
- What does it mean to live simply?
- As a 'faith based' family, how are we called to live (including purchasing, eating, time, space, earth care, possessions, etc)?
- Does ignorance (simply not holding the knowledge or information) excuse us from actions that may harm the earth, workers in other countries, children, or other living beings?

> One week before Christmas J was laid off without warning (actually, in complete contrast to a promise that his job was secure!). We suddenly found ourselves at home (I'm on mat leave) with no formal income, tons of student debt, and a whole lot of questions. Our earlier reflections were suddenly the key components of long conversations and late night reflections and we soon began to consider that this shift could be a potential doorway to opportunity and growth instead of a purely negative hit.

We began to chew on the following:
- Are we living the life we want to be living?
- Why is J giving his best hours: away from his family, exhausting his body, dulling his mind; all to make another man rich?
- Should J jump back into another trade-based company? In the midst of a recession where people are dumping workers by the thousands? Should i just ask him to suck it up and provide?
[The step into trade work was initially a short term (2-6 years) solution to our need for income. We needed to make headway into our student debt and have enough cashflow so I could stay home with Jem. ]
- Considering our current lifestyle, are our beliefs and actions in tandem? What are we teaching our son? "Be anything you want to be...after you've put in your time" "Reach for the stars! But don't expect to ever touch them" "Family comes first...after the 9-5 is done and the bills are paid and the boss is happy and the house is clean and..." We were convicted.
- We saw the lives our own fathers had chosen. They worked hard, SO hard. They gave their best hours and days and years and decades to men who used them and tossed them. They provided financially for their families but lost much in the process. J began to see the continuation of the cycle in his own life with his own son, and it hit hard.
- Could it be possible to work hard, share life, live well (meaning with health and safety and basic needs met), and really love our life while being consistent in belief and action?

Given that glimpse of background, we decided we needed to change our lives. To change the outward expression of living we had to consider what we actually believed. Discussions on materialism, ethical buying, organic food, and more consumed our morning coffee times and evening walks. We soon decided on the following steps:
> Begin a 'Buy Nothing' year. Well, for us it's more of a 'buy with conscience and limitations' year. I'll share the outline of that in a future post.
> Purge. Go through everything. Every closet, room, attic, shelf. Recycle, give, or trash those things that are cluttering our house and life. And do it deeply.
> Create our own company. Yup. Our talks and research had led into some fairly drastic lifestyle changes. It didn't take long to realize that many other were making some similar changes in their own homes (through conscience or trend) and that a business opportunity was opening up. Within weeks we set out to create an eco-based cleaning company.
> Pull up and set out. Our business would do best in a green-based area that wasn't yet saturated with other similar companies. J is originally from the West Coast so we began making plans to move.

And now....
Now we are in the deep of it. We are over our heads and learning to breathe. It's fantastic and terrifying.
We have created a company called GreenHomes Cleaning, with related service called the GreenValley Roaster. While it's still under construction, you can check out our website at greenhomescleaning.ca
We're moving to BC in one month.
We'll be living in a 24 ft' RV in my inlaws driveway.
Our house has undergone a deep and exhausting purging. We've discarded (mostly recycled or sold) countless bags of clothes, electronics, pictures, toys, and knick-knacks. If I had known just how much we were going to toss I would have kept an inventory! ;)
We no longer use any synthetic chemicals for cleaning.
We no longer use synthetic body care products.
We no longer purchase or play with plastic toys.
We eat much less meat. And I'm becoming very creative with beans ;)

We are entirely different people than we were only months ago.

This is a very long post so I'm going to stop now, just to keep things organized. I hope this has helped create a bit of a picture of where I'm coming from and why this blog is important to me this year. This blog exists as my place of record for all that's happening in this whole crazy shift. It's entirely public (something I've never done before) and I really hope that others will be challanged and encouraged as they reflect on their own changes and choices. I look forward to witnessing what happens cuz, quite frankly, I really don't have a clue what's coming. :)

This is TOUGH.
Wow. Seriously.
For some readers my exasperation may not make a whole lot of sense just yet as I haven't caught up on the 'background' of things (coming soon, I promise), but honestly, today is way too difficult.

We are pursuing 'a simple life'.
We want to downsize, prioritize, live life with things that have true value. We don't want to be tied down by our possesions or travel over the mountains with boxes of things that will simply remain in boxes as they exist simply for, well, existing. But holy crap, moving from here to there in lifestyle and thinking is much MUCH more difficult than I could have ever anticipated.

This morning it felt like all hell broke loose in my kitchen. I walked in to see my shelves stripped bare, some very special sentimental glass items in the recycling box, the pictures off of the walls, and most of the asethetic appeal within our home either packed, trashed, or recycled. I was blown away. I was angry. I was hurt. I was exasperated. See, I'm the type of girl who loves creating a 'home'; a cozy nook of pretty things and a welcoming environment of hospitality and food and soft lighting. I love to feel a sense of safety and ownership and familiarity within my home environment. I deeply love this house and the home I have created within it.
Now we're moving. But not for 5 weeks.
Here's the difficulty. J' is the type of fellow who is always one step ahead. Academic papers are completed months in advance. Planning is a week ahead of time for events. Packing for a move, well, he was ready to start two months ago, before we had even decided a move was certain. So for him to posses a sense of peace and order and focus, he desires the house to be packed and ready (ie. empty) so that he can enjoy the last weeks without the stress of packing and hauling.
I say it'd be more enjoyable if there were a chair to sit on or a pretty picture on the wall ;)

Now, if we were simply moving and wanted to be ahead of the game, that's one thing. However, we're changing our entire life; our philosophy of consumption and posession and dwelling and eating and purchasing and EVERTHING. When you place that kind of change within a cross-country move it leads to incredibly intense moments.
I am struggling. I am really struggling.
Fact: I DO desire a simplified life.
Fact: I DO want to go through things and purge stuff and hold on to less.
Fact: I DO need to change in some key areas.
But....
Fact: Sometimes sentiment is more valuable than things that are expensive or fancy.
Fact: It is REALLY challenging to change everything in a month. I don't even know if it's possible.
Fact: I've come so far in such a short time.
And....
Question: How far do you go? When can I say "I've arrived!" or...can I?
Question: What is actually worth holding onto?
Question: What about all the money I've invested into these things?
Question: What about some of the beautiful sentimental things that I love simply because they were given in love?
Queston: Dear God, how am I going to survive this? What good is an empty house if the homemaker jumps ship? ;)

(sigh)

It has been a most difficult morning and I do not know what to do. I am angry at my partner. I am frustrated within (or at?) myself.

J said that simpler does not always equate simple.
We (on a good day) want a simple life, not just simple in comparison to yesterday.
So how are we going to get there?

Good evening.
While it's my hope to contribute to this blog on a regular basis (I'm thinking at least once a week, perhaps each Monday?), I'm apparently off to a slow start. Yikes! Sorry :(

For the next few posts, allow me to catch up and to share the purpose of this blog. As it's late here in my time zone and I've had an evening of port and chocolate, I'll share this in pretty little points:

Purpose:
- To share my journey of the past few months and the coming year.
-To step into, contribute to, and build, a community surround the conversation of 'living simply' and/or 'creating a life instead of just making a living'.
- To help me focus and process as I stumble through the coming year, and to have something to look back on in the midst of coming success or failure.

Well. That's all for now. I promise I'll get this organized and growing soon.