Monday, October 12, 2009

(Note: Jeremiah broke in and posted this with his own additions when I had to leave the computer this afternoon-- wow! Sometimes I write and process on here and then go back and edit it and rethink things before I post. Thanks for joining the conversation friends!)

Hello.
J and I just came in from a beautiful trail ride through a new section of forest on the ranch. The colors and brisk air and break from the pace of the weekend were appreciated. It's funny, while I can post pictures or explain bits of days or experiences, it's actually quite difficult to truly explain the kind of life we have out here. It's beautiful and wierd and so full of blessing and wonder, but you all know that already. What you don't know is that the rhytm of balance and growth continues to be difficult to attain. The 'fear of man' continues to be present through new experiences and expressions. The pressure to gain affirmation through overwork is a constant presence.
There have been a precious few days of quiet family time and working in our own rythm and creative energy. There are many days of people and eyes and opinions as we try to be everything our employers expect us to be. There are days when we fail and talk and apply new lessons and continue to attemp service and work and learn from our mistakes. There are days when we get caught in that dangerous swirl of trying to please every present eye and voice and criticism and then find ourselves slipping away on a trail ride to breathe and let it all go.
As I've written before; wherever we are present, it is possible to walk in turmoil, stress, joy, rest, growth, frustration, and change. My hope is that we will learn how to serve these lords and ladies with gladness while cultivating rest and guarding our hearts against all those draining forces that pushed us onto our gypsy path in the beginning. But friends, it is much more difficult to really live this each day than it is to think of it as an ideal and concept.

So then, how do you do it? Or do you?

Our response so far has been to work beyond our positions, adding on hours within each of our days. We do what is required and more, and we keep senses open as to be aware of unspoken requests and preferences. So far, the appearance and productivity of overwork is well received, but it leads to points of strain as well as confusion when we actually do stop. Hmm.

Anyways. I recognize this is a tricky conversation, especially on open domain. The fact is though; I hope to be as open and inquisitive as I can on this quest. This blog is for the questions and discoveries and ins and outs of 'less loaded', and the questions of the day are loaded indeed.

Happy Monday to you. May you find rest.

2 comments:

Jamie said...

Tough question. Well, what I mean is, good question, but tough to answer.

My step-dad grew up with the "always be busy working" attitude and still has it. As a teenager, no matter how much I'd already done, I would get in trouble for sitting still (like if I was reading). My solution was to retreat to my room for homework and do my reading there. I'm not sure that a 14-year-old's solution is what you're looking for, though. :) I just want to join the convo.

Do you think it would reflect on you negatively in the long-term if you just refused to keep looking busy after you'd finished all your work? Can you choose to rest, knowing with a clear conscience that you've fulfilled all your responsibilities (and probably more), or do you think that would still be received with disapproval.

Dea' said...

Hmm...good thoughts James. And yes, that seems like it should work, yet I remain hesitant to believe it. I think that we will really have to just embrace that and live it and focus on that key part you stated, the 'clear conscience'. If we truly have done what we are responsible for, if we have fulfilled our duties, if we are right before God and man, well, then that is the best we can hope for and desire to achieve.
(but again...haha, easier said than done. hmm...)